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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24445693">More</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marauder_Mouse/pseuds/Marauder_Mouse'>Marauder_Mouse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whole [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Frozen (Disney Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Healing, I hope, Not As Depressing As You Think, Pregnancy Scares, Sisters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:54:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,517</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24445693</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marauder_Mouse/pseuds/Marauder_Mouse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Elsa reflects on some of the events that shaped her life and led her down this road to give her the life and love she has now.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anna &amp; Elsa (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whole [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1679359</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>More</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welcome. Just to let you know that this story is sandwiched between two separate flashbacks. Each line break will signify a change in time. I hope this makes even the slightest sense and I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The static of the radio filled the car and intermingled with the sound of rain as it came pounding onto the windscreen. The blades of the wipers sticking with the sap that had coated them adding to the compilation that morning. For once the morning had been going quite well for the redhead, she was even going to make it to a class for the first time in a few weeks. Well that’s what she was in the middle of thinking when her phone began to ring. She felt her blood drain to her feet when she saw her sister’s name on the screen.</p><p>She tapped all the necessary buttons before throwing the phone onto the seat next to her and continued driving down the road. “Elsa what’s wrong!? You were fine when I left you;” concern and worry flooded out of her mouth along with her words.</p><p>“Anna I.. I.. can’t do… can’t do this.” Elsa wasn’t breathing properly as she choked out those few words.</p><p>“Elsa breathe; what can’t you do?” Anna needed to get some sense out of her sister and the fastest way to do that was to try to calm her down.</p><p>“Jack… I;” Elsa didn’t seem to be able to continue as a sob ripped through her.</p><p>“I know it’s impossible right now Elsa, but you’re going to pass out if you don’t try and focus on your breathing. I’m on my way to you now;” as soon as the first broken syllable had made it passed her sister’s lips down the receiver the redhead had headed back home.</p><p>“Please Anna. I’m so tired.” She definitely sounded it.</p><p>“That’s it Elsa, just keep breathing, nice and slow, in and out.” Anna tried to sound positive and encourage her sister into a more catatonic state.</p><p>“I need…” she breathed out exhausted.</p><p>“What do you need, I can get you anything;” Anna rushed out wanting to be able to help her sister in any way possible. She’d stupidly thought Elsa was in for an okay day. She’d left her on the sofa eating a bowl of cereal and had even managed to get a smile and a laugh out of her this morning. Grief was a malicious, sadistic monster that acted with very little tact and thought for anyone.</p><p>“Pregnancy test;” it was barely words and more just sounds, but that is definitely what was said.</p><p>Oh boy!</p><p>Anna took her own deep breath before answering her sister; “okay, I’ll stop and get one. I won’t be long. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”</p><p>“No, I’ll be fine. Thank you.” She sounded so weak and defeated; Anna began to wonder how long she’d been losing it. She wondered if this morning had been an act, an attempt to pretend to feel okay to feel okay and then the façade cracked and all this came spilling out. Well let’s face it suspecting you’re pregnant with your dead boyfriend’s child, who you buried two weeks ago, would do that to you.</p><p>“Okay, just stay calm. You can ring me back any time.” Anna let Elsa cut the call as she concentrated on the road and getting to the store and home in one piece as fast as she could.</p><p>It wasn't too long before Anna pushed through the door with far too much force as she rushed to her sister. “Elsa, where are you?” She checked her bedroom when she noticed she wasn’t on the sofa where she left her; “you in here?” Nope. Anna bypassed the spare room and headed to the bathroom when she noticed it was locked and no one was in the kitchen. She knocked twice.</p><p>A sniffle could be heard before it was joined by shuffling. The lock clicked and the door was pulled open slowing to reveal a red eyed, pale faced Elsa curled up on the floor.</p><p>“Elsa!” Anna threw herself to the floor next to her sister before wrapping her tightly in her arms. “You’re okay. I’ve got you. It’s all going to be okay”.</p><p>Tears silently fell from both of their eyes as silence suffocated the room.</p><p>“I can’t do this without him;” it was spoken in a small, fragile, watery voice and yet the words still managed to shatter the faux silence around them.</p><p>Anna rested her chin on her sister’s head as she brushed down the lengths of it. She tried to speak in an even reassuring tone; “you’re under a lot of stress and grief right now. You don’t know what’s happening with your body.”</p><p>“But what if…?”</p><p>Anna cut her off not wanting to give Elsa the chance to over think anymore that she already had. “We don’t know anything for sure yet; we’ll take the test and then go from there, okay? I’ve got you.” She squished her sister in her arms to try to keep her grounded.</p><p>“Thank you Anna;” Elsa muttered into Anna’s damp shoulder.</p><p>“Are you ready to move yet?” Anna asked after a few moments as her left butt cheek began to cramp under her against the hard tiled floor.</p><p>Elsa nodded and pulled herself up off the floor; “I think so.” She could still feel the snot and tears on her face and could only imagine what she currently looked like. She could guess that she looked a lot like how she’d looked from the last five weeks since the accident.</p><p>Anna handed over the paper bag that she’d bought in with her; “okay, here is the test; I’ll be outside when you’re finished.”</p><hr/><p>Elsa retracted from her thoughts as the warm mug nestled in her hands brought a comfort and a reminder that what she had been thinking about was years in the past. She had been busy all morning in her office and had gifted herself with a hot chocolate for all the hard work she’d put in that morning. It was as she’d made her way back from the kitchen that the open bathroom door caught her eye. It was as if she’d seen the scene play out in front of her on the bathroom floor where her sister had found her in a heap all those years ago. She thought about how much had changed in those years, all positive and full of love. She took the couple of steps from where she stood at her office door and closed the bathroom door. She closed that memory and put it back on the shelf for now. Honeymaren was due to stop by for lunch in about an hour and a half and so Elsa was determined to get at least half of what she had left to get done finished.</p><p>All that time later and Elsa had just set down the pliers as a knock sounded from the front door. She retracted the tip of her tongue from between her lips and passed her teeth as she pushed away from her desk. She swivelled on her rolling chair and swept out of the office to the front door. She hadn’t noticed that the heavens had opened until her very soggy girlfriend was revealed from behind the door with her hood sagging over her head.</p><p>She had to contain a small laugh at the sight of the brunette who wore a look of utter disgust.</p><p>“Are you going to let me in or just laugh at me?” Honeymaren quipped with a smirk from the doorstep.</p><p>Elsa quickly ushered her inside releasing the laugh she’d been holding in.</p><p>Honeymaren was quick to remove the sodden anorak that stuck to her skin; “I wasn’t even out there very long!”</p><p>“Feel free to grab any dry clothes from my room;” Elsa offered as she hung up the dripping anorak.</p><p>A well measured smile flittered to Honeymaren’s lips as she spun to face the blonde. She reached out her arms and pulled the blonde in close; “I think I’ll be fine, it was more my head than anything. Hi.” The brunette whispered as she felt herself begin her dive into the blue eyes that belonged to her girlfriend.</p><p>“Hi;” Elsa whispered back before they finally greeted one another with a kiss. Honeymaren stepped away and followed the blonde to the kitchen as she spoke; “what would you like for lunch?”</p><p>“Anything is good with me;” Honeymaren replied honestly as she followed the blonde woman to the kitchen. Her eyes seemed to be fixed to the way the soft grey jumper seemed to hug Elsa’s hips as she moved.</p><p>“We’ve got left over Chinese?” Elsa spoke over her should from the fridge pulling Honeymaren away from her continued staring.</p><p>“Sounds good, just as long as Anna or Kristoff don’t have their eye on it;” Honeymaren let out a chuckle at the thought of her causing another argument between the three of them. It wasn’t her fault no one had thought to label that slice of cheesecake! Herself and Ryder had a clear system, if it’s yours, label it. They even have a Sharpie on the fridge for such occasions.</p><p>Elsa turned with the containers in her arms with a knowing smile; “it’s up for grabs. I’m sorry I didn’t prepare anything nice; I’ve been working all morning.” She looked at the poor offering on the counter in front of them; a couple of soggy spring rolls, half a mystery meat chow mein, crispy shredded beef, and a rock hard clump of mushroom fried rice.</p><p>Honeymaren reached up to the cupboard next to Elsa and pulled out two plates; “this all looks great, except for the mushrooms, though I do feel bad for coming over and eating all your food all the time. And I’m proud of you for being so motivated and hard working.” She leant over and pressed a light kiss to the blonde’s cheek.</p><p>Elsa chuckled at the mushroom comment before turning serious and pointing out; “Maren, you paid for pizza for <em>everyone</em> last week! You literally fed us, so you never have to feel bad for eating when you’re here.”</p><p>“Then let’s tuck in shall we?” The brunette asked happily as she pulled out a fork from the draw behind her.</p><p>Elsa shook her head good naturedly at the woman as she watched her share out the food onto the plates. She still couldn’t believe just how fortunate she’d been to find someone as sweet, loving, and gentle as Honeymaren. What was even more than fortune, more like a miracle, was that this woman had stuck around for as long as she had and there were no signs of that changing anytime soon. Elsa was pulled away from her happy thoughts as a warmed plate full of food was nudged into her hands.</p><p>The pair ate at the dining room table, sharing in casual conversation that held little significance as the rain continued to hammer outside. Elsa always enjoyed these times when Honeymaren joined her for lunch; it was lonely all the other days. With Anna and Kristoff both working full time, Elsa often spent the majority of her waking hours at home in isolation. Even if Kristoff was working nights, he’s usually tucked up asleep most of the day anyway. Having Honeymaren brighten her days, even with weather like today, was something Elsa couldn’t describe. It was like coming home, which was a bizarre thought because she was already home. Sharing lunch with Honeymaren a couple times a week felt completely natural; she could see them sitting down to eat together every day for the rest of their lives. And to be honest, that scared her to her core. The feeling was so unfamiliar and yet familiar at the same time. Spending time with the brunette was so easy and effortless; it was like nothing she’d truly known before.</p><p>“What time do you have to leave?” Elsa asked after a lull in the conversation, not really wanting to know the answer.</p><p>“You bored of me already?” Honeymaren leant forward across the table and teased as she continued to play with the blonde’s fingers on the table top.</p><p>“Not at all;” Elsa shook her head gently with a smile.</p><p>Honeymaren released Elsa’s fingers from her own and looked to the digital watch on her wrist. She pondered for a second or two before sharing reluctantly; “probably in about twenty minutes. Which reminds me; I brought you something.” Honeymaren wasted no time in standing and heading over to the front door.</p><p>Elsa watched her move, appreciating how the blue skinny jeans cradled her figure, a light blush rose on her cheeks as she registered what her girlfriend had said. “You know how I feel about surprise gifts.” They always left her feeling unworthy and embarrassed.</p><p>“I think you’ll like this one;” she called over her shoulder as she riffled through the bag she’d left on the floor when she’d arrived. “I finished it last night.”</p><p>Elsa took the flat square object, which was wrapped in white tissue paper, from the hand it was offered as Honeymaren came to stand next to her. As Elsa flipped the package over to inspect how lovingly it had been wrapped, Honeymaren pulled the chair out from next to her before taking a seat facing her.</p><p>It felt heavy and delicate under her touch, she could also feel the honey eyes of the woman next to her watch her silently. Elsa never liked opening surprise gifts, especially when everyone around her knew what to expect. Her life so far had been full of unexpected, tragic, and harrowing events; so she liked to know what was coming. Surprise gift didn’t fit into that, but this was Honeymaren and she hoped she knew better. She hoped she knew she only had happy things to expect from the brunette.</p><p>Honeymaren hoped Elsa knew that she would never try to hurt her, that all the surprises she’d ever gift the woman would be those full of love and happiness. She hoped she knew this as she ripped open the tissue paper concealing the gift she’d made.</p><p>In Elsa’s now shaking, pale delicate hands, there was revealed to be a heavy lime wood frame intricately decorated with delicate carvings inspired by nature. There was a sun, moon, leaves, snowflakes all carefully marked into the wood around the glass panel in the middle. It wasn’t the frame that caused the reaction from the blonde. Not only had Honeymaren spend countless hours making this beautiful frame, she’d made this frame to house and protect the first bracelet she’d ever made. Elsa hadn’t even known it was missing from its place hidden in her desk draw.</p><p>“It’s beautiful;” Elsa choked out through the tears that trickled down her cheeks.</p><p>Honeymaren’s calloused thumbs swiped across these cheeks as she smiled sadly to the woman; “oh, I didn’t mean to make you cry; I’m sorry.”</p><p>Elsa shook her head; “it’s perfect. It’s amazing, I can’t even…” she trailed off at a loss for words as she caressed the frame with her right hand while the left rested on Honeymaren’s knee.</p><p>The brunette rested her hand on the back of the blonde’s chair not wanting to swamp her and suffocate her too much. “I wanted to give you the chance to honour what that bracelet means for you; it was your new beginning, you rising from the ashes. I also selfishly wanted to honour Jack with it. You mean so much to me Elsa and he helped you to become the amazing woman you are today. He taught you how to love and for that I am eternally grateful.”</p><p>Elsa finally tore her eyes away from the framed bracelet; “thank you Maren."</p><hr/><p>She knew that she couldn't sit in the apartment forever, but the grief that was gnawing away at every inch of her body kept her stuck in the hole it had dug for her. With Anna’s help she’d managed to climb half way out of that hole; she’d got her to treat her body properly, the right types of food and less alcohol. She’d offered her a roof over her head and a bed. With the inheritance money and life insurance pay out from their parents’ deaths, the sisters were comfortable but never took anything for granted and always wanted to pay their own way. Anna worked hard every day to fulfil her ambition of working with young children, the proof of that was sat on the coffee table in front of her now.</p><p>Elsa had a repeat of some over the top soap on in the background as she re-evaluated her life. In the space of a single night her whole life had been turned on its head, again. That was almost four months ago now and it felt like a life time ago and yet as if it were only yesterday at the same time. Time and grief were playing a cruel trick on her and she was beginning to grow tired of it. As she thought on this she placed her half empty mug of fruit tea onto the table top and began to organise the reels of waxed cotton that her sister had abandoned the night before. Anna had been stressing all last evening if her arts and crafts activity was good enough for her assessment. Elsa had insisted that it was and helped Anna set up individual work packs for her focus group tomorrow at the school. What was left over was what was on the coffee table now.</p><p>The rough feel of the waxed cotton under her fingers proved a great contrast to the smooth porcelain mug she usually cradled in her hands, with its warm contents to comfort her. As she ordered the reels in the order of the colour spectrum the blue hues caught her attention. She liked how they complemented one another side by side. She decided to snip off a strand from each one using the scissors that the sisters had neglected to tidy away. As the noise of the TV filled the empty space in the apartment, the blonde woman lost herself in the threads. Her deft fingers fell into a long known pattern as she began to weave the threads in the configuration she’d learnt as a child. Anna and her went through a phase when they were little of making friendship bracelets; it seemed the knowledge hadn’t left her in all these years.</p><p>Elsa’s fingers came to a natural stop as she placed down her creation to pick up her mug again, the familiarity calling to her even if the tea had gone stone cold now.  She watched the TV screen for a few moments not truly following what was happening, but glad for her next distraction.</p><p>The next distraction from her grief that came soon after was the sound of keys in the front door before her sister entered the apartment. Elsa turned to look behind her to the door and smiled to her sister.</p><p>“Hey;” the redhead greeted happily, relaxing at seeing her sister in a relatively stable and content state.</p><p>“Hey, how did it go?” Elsa asked as she stood and moved over to her sister as she left her jacket and shoes at the door.</p><p>“I think it went okay; I won’t get my finally feedback until next week. The kids seemed to enjoy it though;” Anna shrugged not wanting to get her hopes up. It was then that she noticed she’d left the items on the coffee table; “oh, sorry. I forgot I left this here.” She moved around the sofa and began to gather up the cotton before stalling with her hand hovering over the handmade bracelet. She looked up to the blonde who stood behind the sofa leaning on the back. “Did you make this?”</p><p>Elsa hummed and nodded as her sister picked the item up delicately.</p><p>“It’s so good!” Anna insisted as she looked up from examining it.</p><p>“I was just messing around, didn’t realise I still knew how to make them.” Elsa shrugged off her sister’s compliments.</p><p>“This could be something for you to do Elsa;” Anna suggested as she took her sister’s hand and placed the cotton bracelet in her palm. “Something positive to fill your time with.”</p><p> “I guess it did feel pretty good to be busy with something;” Elsa conceded but still felt dubious of her sister’s enthusiasm over a simple friendship bracelet.</p><p>“I’ll leave the cotton in this draw if you ever want it;” Anna reported as she opened one of the cabinet draws next to the TV.</p><p>Elsa nodded, she guessed she did feel accomplished even if it was just over making a bracelet. But for the first time in a long time, she felt productive and not just doing chores and housework. She had a tiny sliver of pride settle in her chest; she could be more than just this broken soul. She could find the time and motivation to reclaim herself from this grief. It was now up to her to pull herself out of the hole fully. This was her first step onto that ladder.   </p>
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